Parents often ask us about discipline. And much of the conventional advice on time outs - "one minute per year of age," sitting on the stairs, doing it in the crib - isn't evidence-based practice. For very young children, traditional time-out often does not work as intended.

Self-regulation, the cognitive and emotional capacity that traditional time-out depends on, does not begin to come online until close to 4 years of age. Asking a 2-year-old to sit quietly and reflect on their behavior is asking for a skill they do not yet have. Time-out in a child's bed adds a second problem: pairing the sleep environment with punishment is consistently linked to bedtime resistance and poorer sleep.

The AAP's 2018 policy statement on effective discipline emphasizes positive parenting strategies, consistent limits, and approaches that match the child's developmental capacity. For very young children, that means time-in over time-out.

In your next visit, try:

• Naming the developmental window. Let parents know that self-regulation is still growing in toddlerhood, and that "time-in" - staying close, soothing, and helping a child regain control - is more developmentally appropriate.
• Suggesting a calm-down space. A pile of pillows, a small box, or a designated corner gives a child a place to settle. The space is not a punishment, it is a reset.
• Reframing the goal. The point of discipline at this age is not consequences. It is teaching self-regulation. That happens through repeated, calm modeling.
• Protecting the bed. Bedrooms and beds should stay tied to sleep, not punishment. This protects bedtime cooperation and overall sleep over time.
• Co-Regulation. When in doubt, remind parents to model the calm. Children borrow it from us.