Tolerating an upset child is hard for every parent. We've all been there. But we also know how critical it is for development that we help children to work through hard moments, not only to be distracted by them.

Today, we are focusing on one example that you likely see a lot: Caregivers offering the child a phone in order to calm them down.

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When you do, here are a few ideas about what you can say:

• It is totally normal for them to be upset, so the crying doesn't bother me. Instead of giving them the phone, try offering them a hug, let them know that they are working so hard, and remind them that they can do hard things that make them stronger and healthier.
• Before we give them the phone, let's try talking about why this moment is hard for them. It's been a long wait, you don't like being in a gown, and you look tired! I would be upset, too. I am going to try to go so fast so that you can get dressed and get home for a nap. We can be partners and do it together.
• I know it seems like the phone makes them calmer in these hard moments. But when we use the phone, they don't get a chance to practice getting through hard things which are going to happen all the time. Instead of using the phone, try saying, "I know this is hard, and I know you know how to do hard things. We've got this." Helping them to feel like you're confident in their ability to get through it, will actually help them believe it.